


Shards of a Mirror

by TheMidnightGamer



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: A rainbow is here in the form of Freckled Jesus and a horse, Alternate Universe - High School, Big Brother Levi (Shingeki no Kyojin), Chubby Reader, F/F, F/M, High School Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack On Titan, I honestly keep crying at that song ffs man, Lez be friends, M/M, Modern Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan, Musical References, Musicals inspire me but they also make me cry, Reader-Insert, There's some straight action
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-08-06
Updated: 2017-10-01
Packaged: 2018-12-11 18:10:17
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 13,984
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11719737
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheMidnightGamer/pseuds/TheMidnightGamer
Summary: There are many things you have in high school that you didn't in elementary school, such as a group of friends, an obsession with anime, a dad, and even an older brother (although he's a giant asshole 99% of the time).Yet, amongst all these different things, something was always the same. You were a rather...'heavy' victim of bullying and both a terribly quiet and selfless person. Telling was always the way to go in elementary, but since middle school the death threats kept rolling in, and now that you had friends, you weren't going to risk childishly whining to them when they could get hurt.You only really had one true friend: Wendy.She would help you through anything, without a response.





	1. Off-Beat

**Author's Note:**

> (Y/N) - Your Name  
> (L/N) - Last Name  
> (H/T) - Hair Type (straight, wavy, curly, etc.)  
> (H/C) - Hair Colour  
> (E/C) - Eye Colour  
> (S/T) - Skin Tone
> 
> I hope you enjoy!

You were getting sick of being ignored, however it was a regular thing - and by regular I mean everyday since the last year of middle school when the group was originally formed.

You thought, your position in the cafeteria allowed your eyes to scan the field surrounded in those ever-so cliche blossom trees (like in all of the animes you watched, which at this point was not good for your health) like some shitty Batman watching over an even shittier version of Gotham. Students were dotted around left, right and centre.

How did this ever happen? Eren and Jean were always at each other's throats, Ymir was too unsociable to the whole group besides Christa, and they decided _you_ , of all people, were suitable to hang out with.

Yes, you, (Y/N) (L/N). Your messy, supposedly (H/T), (H/C) hair was too unkempt for any one's liking, resting on your right shoulder in the lowest ponytail one could have, your giant, nerdy, jam jar-like glasses (purely for your constant migraines, induced by any form of light) which were practically super glued to your face, your uniform was **always** covered in pet hair - dog, cat, fox or rabbit, you couldn't tell - and last, but not at all least, underneath your uniform. You weighed 200 lbs, or almost 91 kg, and no matter how baggy your uniform was, you could _see_ it.

And because of that, you were bullied. People hated you. The only thing you could think to do was to comfort eat to deal with your feelings, making that weight continue to build. You wanted to lose it, but you had to stay at the top of the class (joint with Armin) and you had to watch anime, and you had to try that cake your mother had left in the fridge because she knew you like sweet shit.

Speaking of her, another reason as to why you had no motivation, was because your mother would tell you the same thing every day: "I don't care what you look like, how much you weigh or how you like to spend your free time and money. As long as you stick in at school, you be whoever you want to be."

That's the way you lived.

You lived happily at home, but as soon as you got into school, before you found your wonderful friends, after Levi left your side to find his little group, you suffered. Those bitchy, bullying girls would wait for you. Sometimes it was verbal harassment about your weight, how ugly you were, or about your friends. That was easy enough to fake ignorance toward, though you'd hold in tears for the rest of the day and conceal them until you couldn't hold onto them for hours, days, weeks or even months. Yet, other times they'd drag you around to the back of the school and beat the living shit out of you, never touching your arms or face, so the bruises and scars weren't visible. But from time to time, it was both, and it was awful.

All you did made it worse. Putting on a brave face, laughing at jokes, and doing well in school wasn't helping anymore. Your facade was slipping. Another shard of your amour-propre mirror fell to the floor, in front of your feet. You mask had practically slipped as it is, with your shocking test score of 30% on your English test, not that you had told anyone yet. Levi would kill you, as would your parents, most-definitely. There would be a giant argument later, and you hated that fact.

With a sigh, you faded back into reality, your headphones loud enough to block out another one of Jean and Eren's arguments, but still not loud enough for them to hear, which was a good thing. It was the instrumental you had just finished making that was playing. And you looked to the desk, which had your friends' lunch boxes and trays crammed onto it, and in place of where your would be, was your A5-sized notebook. It's spine was black and protecting the small lined pages was the purple covers, covered in highlighter stains, dents from when you poked it with either end of your pen in annoyance, and the label neatly stuck in the middle top of the front cover. The label had it's name: Wendy.

Your friends were aware that you named and gendered all of your notebooks, and found it strange, but accepted it as one of your quirks. Wendy, in particular, had a special name. She was the book which held all that was truly important to you right now within the pages. Sentimentality was laced in ink, through chords, lyrics and notes on how exactly to pronounce each syllable so you didn't forget.

Soon though, over one of the pages of your notebook, a fork was waved to get your attention. With a sigh, you reached into your pocket and paused your music, sliding the left headphone off of your ear.

"Hm?" You asked, cocking your head, feeling your knotted ponytail against your cheek. You looked down for a second, so you could watch as the fork returned to the other end of the table, allowing you to close Wendy carefully.

"You're doing it again." Marco muttered toward you, leaning forward. "Don't fade too far into... _whatever you're doing_ , okay, (Y/N)?"

"Thanks, Polo." You smiled lightly, pushing your glasses up your face, feeling your head suddenly pang with pain, making your face scrunch up into a cringe.

"Your head again?" Ymir asked, after noticing that your headphones were finally around your neck, due to the noise of the plastic clattering as they slipped off your head.

"Unfortunately..." The response came out in a pained tone, as you shoved your pen in your shirt pocket, and your notebook and headphones into your bag.

"Here, you can just ask next time, okay." Christa smiled, leaning past her tall girlfriend with some painkillers in her cupped palm.

"Cheers, _Christoria_." You smiled, faintly, taking them from her. The nickname came from the time you noticed her first and middle name could join together, and she nor the freckled lesbian by her side seemed to have an issue with it, so you continued to say it until it became an everyday name. "Guess I'm gonna have to neck 'em dry." You sighed, realizing you didn't have any water in your bag - though it had been like that for at least 3 school years.

"Here, take some of my water." Marco smiled, sliding his plastic bottle toward you, only for you to push it back.

"Nah, dude, it's cool."

"Levi's turned you into a real clean freak, hasn't he?" Ymir smirked. Now that you thought about it, she seemed to like you a little bit. It was certainly more than toleration.

"You tend to forget that you didn't know me before my parents adopted him into the family." You rolled your eyes, throwing the two bullet-shaped painkillers into your mouth. Just as they hit the back of your throat, you felt his presence, letting your face drop. "What do you want, Levi?" By now, any time you spoke to him at school, your voice would unintentionally mimic his monotone, and now was no different.

"It's not good for your health to take medication without any food in your system." The raven-haired boy told you, as you turned around to face him.

"Yeah-yeah, I get it."

"Wait, no...food?" Connie asked, the table falling into silence, Sasha looking up with an aghast expression pasting itself onto her now pale face. Eren and Jean even stopped fighting. The bad part was, you couldn't tell whether it was because your brother had come over to your table to tell you off for something, or because of what your bald friend had just repeated. Well, everyone else but Braus - you could tell that it was the phrase in particular that caught her attention.

"Yeah, she's been skipping breakfast for fucking weeks, and you know yourselves she doesn't bring anything with her to school. 'Just stuffing her fat face with crap whenever it suits her."

Your face flattened, trying to pull your best poker face. But you felt the eyes of all your friends burning stares into your back, and Levi's group all stared at you, inquisitively, and with mild worry. Breathing out, you gave him back the attitude he used on you. "So? As long as I'm shoving shit in my _fat face_ whenever it suits me, I'm still eating."

"It's not fucking healthy, (Y/N)."

"Fuck off, Levi." You snarl, glaring up at him, trying not to panic or get upset. Those words, _'stuffing her fat face_ ', were making you want to cry, but you faced him with as much stoicism as you possibly could. Hearing that from one of your own... Yet another shard of your amour-propre mirror slipped and added to the pile of pieces you had to try and put together, in a better, more resilient pattern, to protect yourself.

"You told me your English test results were being handed out today." He said, changing the subject. He didn't know that this question was going to make things worse. Again, you stood your ground, this time looking into his eyes with a stale look, not bothering to respond. This was unlike you - usually, you'd be a show off and show him your score which could range from 95% to 100% with extra credit, which all depended on how engaging the anime was, in the background of your revision studies. "(Y/N), don't make me ask again." Levi said, in a harshly demanding tone, folding his arms.

"Why the fuck do you care?" You spat in response, flashing him yet another glare with you glazed over, (E/C) eyes.

"Because Mom wants you to do well."

"Since when did _Ma_ and _you_ correlate into the same category of my concerns?!"

His face did all the talking, he was infuriated with you. "Just fucking tell me."

"No." Around your table, your friends could practically tell how you were feeling, and what the answer was, though they didn't know the truth for sure. And for the first time in their time knowing you, your brother and his friends included, you softened, wringing your hands, while biting your bottom lip, so there would be an indent for a few minutes. "Alright, just...promise me to not get mad..."

He rolled his eyes, trying to fight through his internal confusion as to why you were suddenly acting like this. "Just tell me."

You took a deep breath and forced lingering saliva down your throat, as your eyes drifted toward your lap, allowing your head to follow suit. "...Th-thirty percent..."

" _Pardon?_ (Y/N), what the fuck? Mom is going to fucking kill you." Levi said, eyes widening, before his face settled into a furious expression.

"I fucking _know_ , asshole." Your voice trembled ever so slightly.

"I bet the answer is in that damn notebook." He grumbled, bending down, and plucking it back out of your bag.

Just as he was about to open in, you launched yourself toward it. "Give Wendy back! She has no fucking clue as to why I failed!" That was bullshit, and you knew it.

After trying to rapidly follow the circular motion he made with the notebook in his hands, constantly trying to retrieve it from his grasp, Levi growled, swinging the book into your right cheek, the spine hitting your teeth, sending one of them barreling down the middle of the cafeteria. The entire student body fell silent in time for you to hear your tooth hit one of the pillars on the opposite side of the mess hall. It sounded rather similar to another piece of your amour-propre mirror shattering, and falling into the pile.

"Fine," Levi began, slamming the book down in front of you, the sound echoing. "Have it your way. But don't come running to me when Mom _fucking_ decimates your ass to hell and back!"

Your head dropped, as he and his friends walked away, Hanji muttering to him about how unnecessarily harsh that was, suggesting that he actually should try and help you. But that wasn't the kind of help you needed. The cafeteria doors opened and shut signalling his leave, just as you realized the newly-exposed gum was spurting a lot of blood to the roof of your mouth, and settling between your remaining teeth, gums and your tongue.

"(Y/N), are you okay?!" Armin jumped up, putting a hand on your shoulder, only for you to shrug him off, your (H/C) ponytail slipping and hitting your back. He was left without a response as you put a hand to your right cheek which was beginning to bruise. "(Y/N), did you really get thirty-percent?"

You could only nod while swallowing down the metallic tasting fluid in your mouth. He was never was one for blood, and you didn't want to scare anyone, so you didn't tell them. But you'd regret this selfless decision.

In your next class, you opened your textbook as the teacher instructed you to, but that was as far as you got, before laying your head on the desk.

At some point, Armin and Jean thought you had fallen asleep - like you frequently had as of late - so they just chuckled and got on with their work.

The situation didn't seem bad until they tried to wake you. Both boys took turns in calling to you and prodding at you, knowing it irritated you, and that you'd wake up and politely tell them to "Fuck off".

Yet, there was nothing. No reaction. Armin tried prodding you once again, sweeping his bangs out of his face. After a moment, he put two and two together: You hadn't woken up, and it took a lot more force to move you at all. _Then he remembered the situation of the tooth at lunchtime_.

His ocean blue orbs, expressing worry and panic, rose to meet the lanky bisexual's. "Jean, she just fainted in class."


	2. Madrigal

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> (Y/N) - Your Name  
> (L/N) - Last Name  
> (H/T) - Hair Type (straight, wavy, curly, etc.)  
> (H/C) - Hair Colour  
> (E/C) - Eye Colour  
> (S/T) - Skin Tone
> 
> This chapter is a bit of a long one.  
> Thank you for reading. It'd be great if you could tell me what I could improve in the comments. xx

The pair walked out of the nurse's office. The blond wrung his hands, his fingers constantly brushing over the opposite hand’s knuckles. He couldn’t get the image out of his head.

_Jean worriedly pulled your limp torso to sit upright, revealing a huge puddle blood on the desk, and that your chin was covered in the same substance. Armin took a step back, the back of his legs hitting the next desk over, as his body shook almost perennially. Seeing such a bright, happy, smiling girl in such a helpless state made him sick to the stomach, never mind the blood._

_“Armin, clean the desk, grab her stuff, and let’s go.” The dual-haired boy said, trying not to show his own panic at the situation himself._

_“B-but what with?” He asked, with a trembling voice, before watching as Jean took off his varsity jacket._

_“Use this.”_

_“Bu-ut what a-about y-?”_

_“_ **_Just do it, Armin_ ** _.” As he panickedly gave out orders, the taller of the two threw the item of clothing at the other. “Which fucking teacher just leaves the classroom, when one of their students has been, at least, asleep_ **_all lesson_ ** _?!” He said, smacking his fist down onto the desk behind yours._

_“J-Jean, calm down…” Armin told him, as he hastily dabbed at your desk, the blood beginning to dissipate from the wood, and sink into the varsity jacket’s fabric. Once the majority of it was gone, he folded the jacket and quickly wiped down the desk. “A-alright… her textbook… her pen… And Wendy.” The blond muttered as he picked up the items on your desk, and crouched down to grab your bag from under the desk, before placing the items inside. Wendy hit the base of the bag with the most gentle silence, before the backpack was zipped up and thrown over Armin's right shoulder. This was a complete contrast to how he usually put his own bag on: the straps were carefully placed on each shoulder, before he ran his thumb underneath them to make sure it wasn’t twisted._

_Kirstein nodded toward his shorter friend, before carrying you out of the room in a piggyback. As they moved toward the nurse's office, Armin continuously recalled your conflict with Levi in his head, and every time he did, he felt even worse. Lately you had been looking rather ill and tired, and all he could focus on was how he mentioned nothing of it. Then again, you were rather forgetful, so it could have been accidental. But the look on your face…_

“The nurse asked us to find a relative, so… You wouldn’t happen to know where Levi’s class is, would you Armin?” Jean asked, after forcefully pulling his friend’s hands apart, knowing the more he showed signs of how he was feeling, those emotions and thoughts would only intensify.

“I…um… Hanji has… They’ll be in World History, room 209.” He nodded. “But you’re knocking on the door.”

“Okay. I don’t suppose you’ll want me to explain the whole freakin’ deal to him to and possibly get thrown off the roof while he’s tellin’ me what for.” The sarcasm rolled off the taller boy’s tongue as it was his native language. Although, he used so much against Eren these days that it might as well have been.

“H-Hey! You know how I am.  I mess u-up the words and-.”

“Alright, I get it.”

Jean didn’t mean to be a jackass, but he was preparing himself to face Levi. It wasn’t a shouting match he was willing to lose, especially since every time the raven-haired boy walked over to the table, Kirstein had noticed the doubting, pitying look they got from him. And when he looked to his sister, you, he just seemed disappointed.

The two eventually approached the classroom. “Armin, wait here.” He smiled, understandingly, before walking to the door.

The taller boy stopped before the door, gathering his thoughts. After a few seconds he knew exactly what to say. His fist made a knock erupt from the wooden door.

“Come in.” The teacher called to him.

He was aware there was blood all over his shirt, but he supposed that it might get the message through better. “Levi has been requested to come down to the nurse's office, sir.”

“And why is this?”

“A family emergency, sir.”

Before the teacher could give his permission for the short, raven-haired senior to leave, he threw his stuff into his bag, and practically jumped up from his chair. Hanji only watched with worry. In her whole time of knowing him, and now dating him, she had never seen him move so quick.

At least one thing was certain, even if he was a giant asshole toward you, outwardly, he did care about you. That’s all that truly mattered.

He left the classroom, pushing Jean out into the hall, so he could slam the door. “What the fuck are you talking about? Family emergencies?”

Armin stepped in, as Jean appeared to be to confused by the senior’s sudden caring behaviour toward his adoptive sister. They both never expected him to be like this.

“I-It’s (Y/N). She...passed out at some point during math class… There was blood a-all over her desk.” The blond told him, practically having to force the sentences out of his mouth, as the mental images were too unbearable to have on his brain. Seeing _you_ hurt… That was an instance truly evil.

“Alright. You’re skipping class.”

“But why? She’s _your_ sister.” Jean's forehead creased, as he clenched his fists.

“Yes, but she won’t want to speak to me, when I’m finished with her.” He mumbled, beginning to stalk towards the stairs. “We walk home. ‘Both hate that filthy bus. She’s not walking on her own.”

The three eventually made it, to find the nurse sitting with you, checking to make sure you hadn’t passed out for any medical reasons your parents had failed to inform the school about.

“I should really be getting back to class.” You mumbled, trying to get to your feet and move on.

“Oh, no-no. Stay right there. Your friends went to go get your brother. And, y-. Oh, here they are now.” She was far too cheery, even for you. You could fake every single expression just fine, sure, but you felt pitied by her. It may not have been intentional, so you had to swallow down your anger.

She walked out, just before Armin, Jean and Levi walked in. ~ _Oh sweet Jesus_.~ You thought, sighing and rolling your eyes.

“Are you okay?” The blond asked approaching you, but not as quickly as he would have liked, just so you weren’t startled by any sudden movements.

“Mm-hm, just fine.” You responded, with a surprisingly coarse throat. You snapped your gaze toward Levi, now wearing a glare, behind the lenses of your spectacles. “It was your fault.”

“When push comes to shove, I’d pin all the blame on you.” He claimed, leaning against the wall.

“Oh, well fuck you too.” You muttered, looking to the side with a sigh.

“If you didn’t go around starving yourself, by shying away from two of the three meals that are most important, and then constantly eating candy to give yourself sugar-crashes every day after school, we wouldn’t have any of this. You’re _‘friends’_ wouldn’t have to deal with your constant bullshit.”

To his words, your face dropped, before you clenched your teeth around the right side of your mouth. It was true; he was right. Still, you braved the cold behaviour of the raven-haired senior, fighting fire with fire...or, more appropriately, his cold behaviour with your own cold behaviour.

Your (E/C) eyes burned deep into him, accusingly, as you turned to look at him again, your adam’s apple bobbing nervously in your throat. You slowly opened your mouth, trying to think of the best Levi-ism you could think of in this moment.

“Get the fuck out.” You told him, before holding your breath, so you wouldn’t start crying. You refused to. No, not here, not now. Yet, your face switched to pure anger when he just stood there. “I said move your goddamn arse, right now.” This was new to them. Even new to Levi; a British tone so clear and seemingly normal to you erupted from your mouth, as you punched the bed you were currently sat on. “Don’t talk to me like you have _any_ idea who I am. You honestly think that five years is enough to know me?” You shook your head, the space between your brows narrowing. “Tch. Leave. _I fucking hate your judgemental piece-of-shit-ass_. Leave.”

“Alright.” He rolled his eyes in response, lifting his messenger bag further onto his shoulder and walking out. Internally, his heart sank. He only wanted to look after you, but after everything in his life - everything before entering yours, he didn’t know what true emotion was; after hardening his skin to the outside world, preventing anyone getting in, so he wouldn’t get hurt again, he felt there was no chance he’d properly learn to let someone in again.

It was awful to think that Hanji knew more about him than you did, and she was only his girlfriend. Then again, you were too shy to ask questions, not wanting to upset him, or too scared to anger him.

You rubbed at your (S/T) face vigorously, for a short while, before yawning into your fist. “Jesus Christ, he’s a piece of fucking work.”

“What’s with the accent?” Jean asked, trying not to bring up anything Levi had said, as you seemed to be unfamiliarly upset by the words. However, both your friends were extremely worried about you, whether you liked it or not.

“My Ma is from England, and I picked up an American accent after we moved over here.” You explained rubbing at your neck.

“My grandfather is English too!” Armin perked up, with a sudden smile, which was rather comforting to you at this current moment.

“Ah. That’s cool.” A soft smile gently crossed your lips, with a hint of timidness behind it. “I apologise about my little stunt. You should get to class. I really am sorry.”

“ _Hell, you don’t need to apologise. You would’ve been fine if it weren’t for that fu_ -.” Your taller friend almost yelled, before the blond cut him off.

“What Jean means is that - he’s right - you don’t need to apologize. It’s not a problem. You just _need_ to be more careful with yourself. You’re our friend, and we get worried. I really hope what Levi said wasn’t truth, (Y/N). Now, tell me, honestly, was it?”

You blinked for a few seconds, stopping to assess the question, before answering. “Oh no, obviously not. I do eat my meals, but he never sees it. I eat breakfast while he’s in the shower - he’s a bit backwards and gets a shower before eating, y’know. And then, while I’m waiting for him to pack his bag properly, I sneakily eat my lunch.” You explained, with a brighter smile and a short laugh. “I know, it’s not the right time to eat lunch. But I’m still eating. He just likes to bend the truth in an overly dramatic way. That’s my brother for you.” Rubbing the back of your neck, you crossed one leg over the other, after you came to an embarrassing realisation that you had been sitting with your legs widely spread, and even if you were wearing leggings, your skirt covering the upper half of your legs, and usually sat like that; your legs were usually under the table where no one would see them, not like they were now: within their line of sight.

That was the biggest lie you had told them. It was harmful, very harmful. If they found out that it wasn’t true, your trust and friendship would be lost with every single one of them. And even though your parents tried, through all of your dealings, your friends were the only people you had.

“That's good. But if you weren't eating properly, I'd have to force my lunch down your throat, because it's not right, (Y/N).” Jean growled, with a slight chuckle afterwards.

Armin furrowed his unruly eyebrows at the dual-haired boy beside him. Soon, he turned back to you. “What he means, (Y/N), is that it isn't healthy to skip meals, and everybody knows how much you've always loved food, so-.”

His words cut off immediately, watching as you started fidgeting your hands at the phrase. He realised that it wasn't in his best interest to mention things such as your love for food. The blond teen didn't know why, but seeing your facial expression change just that little bit made him regret every word he just released from his mouth.

Armin's eyes looked toward Jean as he nervously swallowed, making his adam’s apple bob hypnotically on his throat. The taller of the two returned this worried glance, knowing that his boyfriend, Marco, would know exactly what to say to recover from this fuck up flawlessly.

But Marco wasn't here, and the silence that surrounded all three of you was beginning to hinder your breathing pattern. You felt choked up by the lack of noise when you most needed it.

Kirstien clenched his teeth, noticing that there was an aura of panic surrounding you, meaning it was time for him to channel none other than his freckled boyfriend - someone who you trusted with your life, much like Jean did.

He sat on the bed beside you and gently put a hand on your knee, making Armin feel something he couldn't quite place, but it definitely didn't seem like something good, at the time.

“(Y/N), listen… We just worry about you, okay. We don't care what you look like; not at all. I say I like pretty girls, but when I say that, I mean their beauty comes from within. You, in knowing that, are one of the most beautiful girls the world could know. You're an amazing person, and an adoring friend, so own it. Okay? One of your charms is all that you like and like to do with your time.”

You swallowed down tears, most likely of happiness but you really couldn’t tell at that moment, and you smiled, with only a slight lilt, as the rest of it seemed blank. To them, it was as if there was something else going on in your head. Still, after another short, and significantly less painfully awkward silent, you glanced toward him, and muttered, “...Thanks, Jean.”

There was a burning, throbbing, terribly painful feeling in your chest, which would not allow you to push it away, no matter how hard you tried. All you could do, in this instance was push back tears and negative thoughts which were beginning to shroud you; in fact, it barely let you breath - it seemed as if you did breath properly, you would break down in tears right in front of them.

Jean took his hand from your knee and patted you on the shoulder. “If you’d like, we could ask the nurse to call your mom to take you home.”

“No, Ma is at work.” Your statement was empty, as you tried to concentrate on this awful emotional pain as it moved up your sternum.

“If she’s as lovely as you describe her to be, I’m sure she’d much rather make sure you’re alright.” Armin muttered, sitting on the other side of you.

Wendy really couldn’t help you now, not with the two pairs of prying eyes that were connected to two largely intelligent brains (one more so than the other) on your left and your right. You knew it was best to suck it up and act, even if that was not one of your specialities, you were still _damn_ good at it by now.

“No, I mustn’t disturb her work, because the effect is evident on her paycheck.” You sighed, wishing you could go home so you could write your life away. However you knew it would be a good hour before you could do that, as your mother would take her time in asking you anything and everything, and since she worked as a doctor, she was up and out of the house before your alarm would go off, meaning she thought you were living as you should. That, and the last time you disturbed her work, it was quite a massively horrible situation, and you didn’t want to cause her any worry.

“Oh… You care about your mum a lot, huh?” Armin asked, with a small smile.

“Yup.” You replied, popping the ‘p’, beginning to get your feelings in control. “But doesn’t everyone care about their ma?”

“Very true.” Jean nodded, causing you to jokingly gasp. “What?”

With your hands piled over the centre of your chest, you leaned back a bit, and in an astonished tone, you said, “A _football_ jock with his head stuck up his rear cares about his mother! A miracle has occurred!”

Armin laughed heartily, almost falling backwards onto the bed, an arm lazily thrown over his stomach. “Oh my god, (Y/N), you crack me up something stupid sometimes.” He giggled, looking toward you.

You gave a genuine toothy grin back, as well as a light-hearted chuckle. “I am a fucking comedian, y’know.” You told him, puffing out your chest in a b-boy stance.

Jean, who seemed to be forgotten in those few seconds, decided to act in his defense. See, a long time ago, he and Marco had made a bet: you and Armin were destined for each other. After all, you were certified genius’ and frenemies in the classroom, but got on like a house on fire everywhere else. You were both giant nerds, not that he’d admit his love for supposed ‘girly’ anime - not to say that he didn’t like the action-packed badassery of the action sub-genre.

Another similarity happened to be that, though complete and utter losers, you seemed to be lovable, sweet and undeniably cherished members of the group, both viewing yourselves as outsiders; that being said, because of how you were both adored due to your quirks and personalities, it was hugely ironic that you’d think that way.

But getting back to the matter at hand, Jean decided that it was time to get this ship off shore, at least, so he shoved you to the right, so that you fell face first into Armin’s chest.

Though the blond boy blushed, now only chuckling awkwardly, you laughed even harder, beginning to sound more like you were actually barking. Eventually, you swung yourself back up, smacking Jean’s shoulder with the back of your head. Wiping your eyes free from tears of your pure amusement, you threw back your head, (H/C) locks hitting Jean’s cheekbones. “What’s the matter, _Jean-bo_ ? You a momma’s boy at heart but _too scared to admit it_ ~?”

“Oh my god, shut up!” He shoved you, embarrassed, only making you keel over laughing.

“Y-you don’t need to get so defensive about i-!”

“I AM NOT GETTING DEFENSIVE!” He yelled, shaking you around.

Armin immediately swatted the other male off of you, before holding you protectively to his chest. “Hey, don’t push her! Her head must still be all over the place!”

“Someone feeling a little protective?” Jean asked, raising an eyebrow.

“Of course I do, she fainted in class, _asshole_.” Armin snapped, his face twisting in complete anger.

~He...cussed?~ You thought, raising an eyebrow. He only ever cussed when he was serious. ~Jesus Christ, Jean, you’re in deep shit now. Like, you’re stuck halfway down shit’s creek without a paddle, mate.~

“Woah!” You hollered, sounding more like Crash Bandicoot that you’d have liked, making your friends’ lips curl up just slightly. And like the absolute meme-star you were, you turned to face Armin, your nose literally a few centimetres from his face, you told him, “Watch yo’ profanity!”

In turn this made Jean and Armin keel over, completely buckled by your over-use of internet memes.

After spending the remaining fourty-five minutes bantering, and dicking around, the bell went, signifying the end of the school day. You slowly got off the bed, with the assistance of an overly worried Armin, stepping onto Jean, who was sprawled out on the floor, trying to stop laughing. So now, he was a welcome mat, as you stood on his stomach (unintentionally) while Armin helped put your backpack on your shoulders, straightening out the straps.

“Alright, we’re ready to g-.” Armin began, but was cut off as you jumped toward him with a little squeal.

“Oh my god! I didn’t mean to stand on you Jean, I’m so sorry!”

“Hey, it’s okay.” He smiled, with a sigh. “Don’t worry about it.” Getting off the floor, he picked his own backpack up, throwing it on his shoulder.

“Hey, that’s a good question, actually. Will your dad be home?” Armin's

“Yeah, _Dad_ ’ll be at home.” You nodded, before thinking, ~But not _da_ , he never has for years now…. Not that I’m willing to tell, or that Levi even knows the story.~

“Alright, let’s go. We’ll walk you home.” Jean said, linking arms with you, before Armin did the same on the other side.

“But don’t you two crazy kids usually hop on the bus?”

“Yeah, but if really necessary, and you live particularly far, I always bring spare cash so we can hail a cab or something.” Your lanky friend told you.

“Alright, but I’ll pay you back, because my place is a pretty long distance from here.” You told them, while you slipped through the door, one at a time, from left to right, Jean to Armin.

It felt nice to have the protection of the respected muscle and brains of the school - even if they were each picked on for something, the majority of the other students didn’t seem to bother them. And when they were bothered by some jackass, they’d ignore it and lift their heads a little higher.

Even on the way home, you couldn’t help but wonder how they could be that proud and stand so tall when you, the chubby reject, were in between them. But past your thoughts, you couldn’t help but grin.

“Wait… (Y/N)?” Armin asked, suddenly, almost physically stopping. “Where are we going? Don’t you and Levi usually walk the opposite way of the buses?”

“Yeah, when we’re going home.”

“What do you mean when you’re going ‘home’? That’s where we’re supposed to be going!” Jean almost flipped his shit, but stayed calm.

“Well, Ma will be working late tonight, so Levi and I have to camp out at my _Dad_ ’s bakery, until she gets home.” You explained, still feeling like it was necessary to emphasise the pronoun.

“Your dad owns a bakery?!” The blond asked, tugging at your arm, with a shocked face.

“Yeah, _Dad_ owns a bakery. How else do you think I got in this… _shape_?” You asked, sighing out the last word.

“Hey, who cares about that anyway?” Armin said, offering you a bright cheery smile.

On the other side, Jean agreed, his smile more cocky. “Yeah, exactly. And don’t forget it, either, Miss (L/N).”

“Ja-ja. Won’t forget, and all that nonsense.” You jokingly rolled your eyes, before realising you were a corner away from seeing the cringiest place on the planet. “Alright, you guys can go home now.”

“What do you mean? We’re making sure you’re safe.”

“You’ve done your job, go home.” You sighed, trying to pull away from the pair's strong grip.

“What’s wrong? Are you afraid of us meeting your dad?”

“No...but yes… He’s the most cringey person since...well... _sliced bread_.”

“He can't be that bad.” Jean said. “I thought we agreed that my mom won the award for _'World’s Most Cringiest Parent USA’_.”

“Well,” You muttered, as you all turned the corner, and your head shot straight down. “Have at you.”

From down the street, the two boys saw a giant sign, it's colours being a stupidly in-your-face hot pink, and the lettering was a charcoal black. The sign read, ‘ _(Y/N) & Levi's Bakery’ _ in a horrible font which was supposed to be some kind of handwriting from the Victorian era, but was totally over-played and edited.

“That's so sweet! He named the establishment after you both. Aw, I bet he's a nice guy!” Armin cooed, blue eyes sparkling at the shop as we came close to it.

Jean, after being presented with this sight, almost choked. “Holy shit, (Y/N). I think your dad fucking won, _smashed the charts_ , and _fucking shot out some finger guns, as he walks away from the sun_ **as it** ** _explodes_**.” He said, looking at you. “That's a bit too far, even for me.”

“What? Jean, it's cute!” The blond said in defense of Emile, your _Dad_.

“Nah, man. Admit it, Armin. It's one step more than I'm okay with. Eminem has written songs about killing his wife, yet this shit makes me more uncomfortable, somehow.” You said, a shiver barrelling down your spine.

He looked at you, his eyebrows upturned as he sighed. “You have to admit, it is a loving gesture, even if it's a bit embarrassing for you, (Y/N).”

“Mm-hm, yup. _Totally agree with you on that front_.” You sighed, rolling your eyes. “He's spent far too many years doing all he can to try and win me over…”

“And he hasn't won you over yet, _even though he's your dad_?” Jean asked, with a confused, and (to you) a slightly suspicious, glance.

“He can't accept that I'm always going to be closer to Ma, like it or not.” You shrugged, desperately resisting telling them the whole truth.

“Ah, I see. Alright, let's go get some food, Armin.”

“Who said you could follow me in, horse face?!” You flipped, a single eyebrow quivering.

“Customer rights and football practice at second period today.” He told you, smugly.

“But you had lunch after that!”

Armin, surprisingly, gained this same look, with a tinge of nervousness behind it. “I guess this is payback for making me miss Chess Club after school today!”

“ _Armin_ , dude, come on! It's a bad idea- _aw, fuck_.” You mumbled as you witnessed Jean taking his first step through the door of the bakery. Letting yourself be dragged into the shop, you audibly sighed. Emile had never met any of your friends before. Well, now that you thought about it, you mother hadn't either.

“Afternoon, (Y/N)!” He cheerfully called, before his head perked up a little more. The blond man moved from the counter, to right in front of you, with a spring in his step, which was irritatingly always there. “Do you feel any better after you passed out?”

“Mm-hm. Did the _little_ _rat_ tell you that?” You asked, before chuckling while watching the two creatures you had on each arm looking around with awe at the cookies and pastries and cakes behind the glass of the counter, not to mention the hustle and bustle of the thicket of customers - in which always made you uncomfortable.

“Yes, Levi told me. You have to be more careful with yourself, (Y/N). Your mother got worried when I rang her up a moment ago.” He sighed, resisting the urge to put a hand on your shoulder, as a concerned motion, as he knew that no matter how you felt you'd bat him off.

“You didn't have to tell mah’ Ma, y’know.” Your accent bended into a British tone again, as you let out a disgruntled sigh.

“I know, but I know she always wants to know what's going on, and you lack the ability to tell her yourself.”

“Mm-hm.” You hummed again.

“Now, I knew they were here this whole time, but who are these fine gentlemen?”

“My friends. Jean and Armin.” You notified, looking between them as you said their names. “They were just leavi-.”

“Do you boys want to come and sit at the table over there and order? It's completely on the house for getting her here safely.” Emile smiled, already beginning to usher you all over to the very corner seat, giving them no choice in the matter.

You allowed Jean and Armin to sit together on one side, before making yourself comfortable in the corner, literally huddled beside Armin, before dumping your backpack on the space to my left. You could have sworn the blond’s face was tinted slightly pink, but you were too busy putting your feet up on the seat, burying your head in your knees, the florescent lighting giving you a headache.

After picking up a menu, Armin looked over at you, and put a hand on the back of your head. “Hey, (Y/N).” He began, softly. “Are the lights hurting your head again?”

“...Yeah…” You told him.

“I'm convinced that you need medical attention about that, still.” He sighed, playing with your hair for a second. He took his hand away again, flustered as he began to realise that he had went too far. Armin swept his bangs out of his face, mentally trying to convince himself that he cared for you like a friend still.

Jean had noticed, but remained behind his own menu, with a huge shit-eating grin on his face.

“Yeah?” You began, rolling your eyes, not moving. “Well, I think I’m fine.”

And you always had.


	3. Waving Through a Window

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> EEEEEEEEEEEK! OMG 100 HITS! I'M SO HAPPY! THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU! IT MEANS SO MUCH!  
> Like, my writing is, by far, a load of shit, so to see that people have actually taken their time to read it is incredible! So, thank you so much!!!!
> 
> Song Used: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kfnMvo87fQU  
> All that song's rights go to Benj Pasek and Justin Paul, and the extraordinary Ben Platt. But of course in this lil' Shingeki No Kyojin pocket dimension, it's your song, so just roll with it! Hehe!
> 
> (Y/N) - Your Name  
> (L/N) - Last Name  
> (H/T) - Hair Type (straight, wavy, curly, etc.)  
> (H/C) - Hair Colour  
> (E/C) - Eye Colour  
> (S/T) - Skin Tone
> 
> Oh my god, thank you again! I apologize for my absence; I was on a little holiday with my beautiful, amazing friend and her crazy family. This chapter's a little bit shorter than the others, but I hope you enjoy no less!

A week since that incident, they had been treating you differently. And ever since the Tuesday, you realised that was not how you wanted to live. Your only real wish was for everything to be normal.

But no, not now. You felt far too different. Their siblings didn’t embarrass them in the mess hall, and they didn’t pass out when they had a single tooth knocked out of their gum. No, they all weighed around 50 to 60 kilograms - even Sasha. You truly didn’t fit into their group.

They had noticed you seemed anxious. Distant, too. They worried about you, even the ever stoic Mikasa had her own personal worry (not just because Eren felt that way), but they didn’t want to talk about it, just so they didn’t make you feel uncomfortable.

So, that Tuesday, you spent your break and lunchtime in your homeroom, where no one hung out at all. Well, aside from you and Wendy. For all your friends knew, you were doing some hardcore studying, as you had told them, and didn’t want to be disturbed. Only half of that statement was true. You were going through the song again, and though it was coming together well, it was getting harder to continue, due to the feelings it sparked inside of you.

On Wednesday, you took a walk, and only made it back in time to sit with them for five minutes. To be fair, the only reason you went back was because the bullies were following you all over campus, and your only solace was the group.

In class, you didn’t speak - even got distracted and turned your attention to the window, or just let your eyes glaze over, until you were completely adrift with your thoughts.

Thursday came around, and you suffered through break time, but at lunch you’d had enough. Just last night, you had figured it out, and it was ready. You just needed some peace and quiet to see if it fit together the way it read.

For a moment, you chewed at your lip ever so slightly, thinking of an excuse. Though not very good, you thought of one that would do.

Suddenly, you stood up, and hurriedly packed up your things.

“What’s up?” Connie asked, though all your friends’ attention was pointed toward you.

“I need to find Levi, to see which way we’re walking tonight.” You nodded, unable to look at them, neatly packing away Wendy, and pulling the zipper around the backpack to make sure it was shut securely.

“You know you can leave your stuff here, right?” Eren asked.

“Yeah, I can’t imagine anyone who would try to steal it.” Armin nodded in agreement.

“And if anyone did, I’d punch all seven colours out of them.” Jean agreed, earning a light punch in the shoulder from his boyfriend.

“That’s the ninth indirect threat you’ve made about hurting someone today. Quit it.” The freckled boy sighed, shaking his head.

“Hey, it wasn’t aimed toward Eren this time, so-.”

“I knew it! You horse-faced bastard! Why don’t you come over here and prove it, asshole!” The green eyed boy roared furiously, standing up and slamming his hands down on the table, his whole upper body lunging forward. His head had immediately whipped toward Kirstein, the expression on his face showing extreme anger; aka, normal Eren Jaeger. He was just a very angry kid.

You found this as a perfect time to get away, but not all of the group were as distracted as you’d have hoped. Armin tugged at Eren’s arm to try and get him to calm down and sit down. Usually you did that, so he looked to where you sat, his sapphire eyes screaming for help.

But you weren’t there. He noticed, the lesbian couple who sat near you, Ymir and Christa, had their gaze firmly settled on the doors of the cafeteria. The blond followed the girls’ glance to see that you had snuck away. However, a few moments later, under the yelling and shouting of Eren and Jean, everything for the observant trio immediately seemed off.

Levi walked in, with his friends acting completely normal. Hanji irritating the life out of poor Moblit, as she rambled on about the ‘crazy way that muscles functioned in the human body’, Mike and Nanaba were just chatting calmly, Oluo was trying to hit on Petra, but she was too busy laughing at him as he had been down to the nurse’s office again for biting his tongue and all that he got was a bandage wrapped around it. Farlan and Isabel were jokingly shoving each other, while trying to sneak up behind Levi to tickle him, and finally, Erwin walked in behind the group, hugging a small stack of books to his chest.

Shouldn’t you have been there, beside Levi, bugging him? Even after you’d gotten the information you required?

“Eren, Jean, shut up.” Christa ordered, looking around the table.

“Why?! Since when did you-?!”

“ _Because she said so_ , _that’s why_.” Ymir growled, in a protective fashion, in order to make the male pair slowly return to a sitting position.

“What’s up, Chris’?” Sasha asked, with half of a loaf of bread practically hanging out of her mouth.

The female blonde glanced to Armin. “(Y/N) said she was going to find Levi, right?” He began, his fingers gnarling around the fork in his right hand, unable to believe that you had been lying to them right under their noses, and they never caught the scent of trouble. ”Well, he’s over there, and she’s not.” The boy pointed, before glancing around the table, lowering his form. “Who’s going to go and ask Levi whether she spoke to him?”

The aura of the whole table became tense, no one even daring to properly lift their head for a short period of time.

“... _Alright_ , I fucking will. Y’all are pussies.” The tall, freckled brunette sighed, standing up. “I’ll be right back, Christa, sweetheart.” After winking toward her blonde lover, Ymir put her hands in her pockets and walked away. She had the same laid-back stance, and dress sense, as the _T Birds_ from _Grease_ (though at the moment, this was following the rules of the school uniform).

She moved at a steady pace across the cafeteria, before slamming her hands down a millimetre away from Levi’s lunchbox.

“Midget. Your sister spoken to you on your way here?” She addressed, fearlessly and bluntly.

With a flat face, the senior looked up at her. “No, judging by the way she walked, I figured one of your ragtag team of shit-mongers upset her.”

“Look, _Ackerman_ , we did jackshit. She got up and left, sayin’ she needed to talk to you.” The use of his previous surname didn’t seem to have much of an effect, but on the inside, it stung; it was as if she _knew_ that he didn’t belong where his ass ended up.

Petra, like all his other friends, had been intently listening in on the conversation, Hanji even fell silent, though her finger was still pointed to Moblit, intimidatingly, as if she was holding her spot in the conversation to continue. But what the redhead noticed, unlike any of the others, was that Levi’s eyes softened into an almost indescribable emotion; it hit her like a truck. He was worried.

“Get your junior asses together. We’re going on a cretin hunt.” The raven haired boy sighed, slamming the lid back over his lunch box, and stuffed it into his bag.

The freckled junior looked over at the table, before waving her tan hand toward herself, signalling for them to follow, so that she didn’t have to aimlessly stalk back over to her friends.

From left to right, on each side of the table, lunches were either quickly finished, stolen by Sasha (and demolished by said brunette), or put back into the person’s bag. They approached as Levi turned around. Of course, his friends followed suit, some curious and other’s actually concerned.

“Alright, you useless, pathetic stooges. Let’s ride.” He muttered leading off, the two groups collided into a mob which practically marched out of the cafeteria.

Armin approached his crazy study-buddy, Hanji; you were another (just more tame). Just thinking that you weren’t here right now made his chest feel hollow. Your friends were like a pack of wolves, and even when one was missing, drama started to build up awfully quickly.

“Hanji.” He mumbled, causing her to look down at him, meeting his gaze. “Can you tell what Levi’s feeling right now?”

“Psst, _Petra_.” The elder called over to her friend.

“Hm? What do you need?”

“Armin asked how short-ass feels right now.”

“Oh… He seemed…concerned, worried, and judging by the speed we’re walking at, he’s kinda panicking. But that’s only an assumption.” Petra informed, with a nod.

Arlert didn’t think he would perfectly match Levi’s emotions before, never mind about the same person. Yet, he couldn’t help but feel though described in the same way, their emotions were on either end of the relationship stick.

You were comfortable, well, _situated_ would be the better word for it, as you crossed one leg over the other on a branch of the elder oak tree at the back end of the school. No one would find you, and no one would hear you, if you estimated correctly.

Of course, there would have been no way in hell you had scaled the trunk of the tree with just your limbs, so you had been on a little mission and stolen the tallest ladder you could find.

So, here you sat, letting your legs dangle from the centre of a branch, which wouldn’t surprise you in the slightest if it snapped. In reality, it wouldn’t, but your lack of self-confidence made you have huge doubts.

Still, these insecurities led you to shuffle further toward the tree trunk, and momentarily wrap an arm around the roughly-textured oak bark. You gently took off your backpack, and hung it on a higher branch, before opening it. Taking out your speaker, you turned it on, and connected your phone to it before placing it back into the depths of your bag.

Under your left lense, your index finger rubbed at the inner corner of your glazed over, and partially dead-looking, (E/C) eye, as the other scanned the ground, making your stomach do a flip. You had never liked heights, but being on the ground would mean you were at least easily spotted, and people would only make fun of you for what you planned to do.

As long as you couldn’t be seen, you were okay.

You plucked Wendy from your backpack, and opened up to the beginning page of your lyrics, which was well past the middle. Your (S/T) fingers gingerly skittered across the lined paper, silently going over the words, making sure (for the 58th - or maybe the 68th time) whether they made sense, as putting your thoughts into a creative context had never been your strong point, in your personal opinion.

Once you were sure, you sighed, while rolling your lip between your teeth, and swallowing nervously. You had never felt nerves like this before, not even during that certain event in your early childhood, that you wished to forget.

Removing your phone from your pocket, and unlocking it, your thumbs shakily scrolled and tapped through the home page and music app. You trawled through your music library, to find the self-produced backing track to your original song.

The title caught your eye, in the bold Helvetica font of your gold iPhone 7s Plus. You felt the pressure wash over you, just as you realised that the headphone dongle was still plugged in to the bottom of the device. Carefully, yet quickly, a (S/T) hand whipped from around the trunk of the tree, and snatched it from its place, before then dumping it into your backpack.

From your head to the very tips of your toes, your whole body was caught in an endless cycle of tremors. Palms clammy, drenched in sweat caused by both the panic of the height, and the fear and adrenaline of your forthcoming actions, the phone almost slipped from your grasp, and your free hand raced to cling to the branch beneath you.

After a moment, a thought, an offered opportunity came to mind: ~ _Just get it over with. You don't have much time left to do this. In the words of Shia LaBeouf: 'Just do it!’._ ~

For a moment, you had no idea how that thought pushed through your crippling anxiety, and built up fear. Even so, it inspired you to unlock your phone, and finally play the damn instrumental.

Those first opening six seconds flew by too quickly, yet as if it was your only goal and destiny, at the perfect moment, your voice was unshackled. It sounded quiet, unsure and terrified, as is passed through your trembling, chapped lips.

“I learned to slam on the brake...before I even turn the key~. Before I make the mistake; before I lead with the worst of me~.” You felt scared, but now not just of the height, or the possibility that someone might hear you. No, it was the fact that these words that left your mouth… You wrote them. They expressed the _majority_ of what you felt troubled you.

“Give them no reason to stare~... No _slippin’ up_ if you slip away~. So, I got nothing to share~. No, I got nothing to sa-ay~...” It felt as though you were allergic to your feelings: you felt your throat close up and, after slipping your locked phone into your blazer pocket, your short, jagged nails began clawing at your arms.

“Step out, step out of the sun if you keep getting burned~.” Your attention was caught by 3 figures, pointing up to you. Immediately, your stomach churned; you had been spotted, and probably heard.

“Step out, step out of the sun because you've learned, because you've learned~.” (E/C) eyes widened upon recognising the figures on the ground below. There walked your bullies.

Clara Schwartz: she’s a pretty, bubbly, quiet Jewish girl; you were sure she was just part of the group so that her flaws were ignored by the rest of the student body.

Zara Yang: She’s a mouthy jerk, but doesn’t do the majority of the name calling. Usually, she arranges time and places for horrible events to occur. That and she tries to be the best, which is evident as she’s fourth in most classes (though it isn’t a surprise as her parents are from China).

And Sara Winston: you despised her. She’s the leader of the group, an aryan appearance, though he hair is naturally brown, and her roots definitely needed a touch up. Sara was the ring leader and always voted homecoming queen, ever since she started this school, and an all-round bête noire.

“On the outside always looking in~. Will I ever be more than I've always been~?” You continued, picking up Wendy gently, and slowly getting to your feet, as it became clear to you that Zara was texting someone. This only meant bad things. “Cause I'm tap, tap, tapping on the glass~. _Wa_ ving through a window~. I try to speak but nobody can hear~. So, I wait around for an answer to appear~.” While successfully zipping your bag up, you watched as the three delinquents, Reiner, Annie, and Bertholdt came out of the building. These were the three who beat you up all the time, as they were paid to. You were sure that, if not for the stable income of the Rich Bitch Trio, they wouldn’t hurt you.   
  
“While I'm watch, watch, watching people pass~. I'm _wa_ ving through a window~. Can anybody see~? Is anybody waving back at me~?” Your singing grew accidentally louder, as the pressure to try and get out of sight was building. Even so, you knew it was too late, yet the small voice at the back of your head kept telling you that you still had a chance. You managed to forced yourself up a couple of branches by the time the next verse came around.

“We start with stars in our eyes~. We start believing that we belong~. But every sun doesn't rise~… And no one tells you where you went wrong~.” Your heart sank, as that came from a very dark place in your life.

You jumped, though, as you heard a clang of metal below the tree. The ladders had been taken down; there was no way to get down. That thought alone was enough to make your want to vomit almost a need.

“Step out, step out of the sun if you keep getting burned~. Step out, step out of the sun because you've learned, because you've learned~! On the outside always looking in~. Will I ever be more than I've always been~? ‘Cause I'm tap, tap, tapping on the glass~. _Wa_ ving through a window~. I try to speak but nobody can hear~. So, I wait around for an answer to appear~. While I'm watch, watch, watching people pass~. I'm _wa_ ving through a window~. Can anybody see~? Is anybody waving~?”

The tree began to shake. They were trying to make you fall out of the tree. You had experienced dreams, no _nightmares_ , about this. This was it. This was going to be the low that ruined your life. You felt something warm sting at the corners of your enlarged eyes, as you quietened down, following the song as planned. “When you're falling in a forest, and there's nobody around~. Do you ever really crash or even make a sound~? When you're falling in a forest, and there's nobody around~. Do you ever really crash or even make a sound~?”

Levi had looked everywhere for you, even sending Petra and Hanji into each of the different girls’ toilets around school. You weren’t found. It wasn’t until Mikasa had calmly suggested that you may be outside, that Armin felt a pained pang in his chest. You hated going outside in mid-April, as the weather never made it’s mind up.

The giant group of nineteen worried teenagers hurriedly shuffled along outside.

“I don’t think she’d be here…” Armin said, quietly, looking around the courtyard area.

“Then where do you _think_?” Levi glared, leaning forward, his girlfriend grabbed on to the back of his collar, knowing Armin was a gentle soul which meant no harm.

“We should try around the ba-.” His trembling words were cut off by a loud clang of metal. It came from the area the blond had tried to suggest.

Erwin noticed that Levi’s eyes widened, ever so slightly, and within them shone a light of hope that they might find you, yet his steel orbs were shadowed with a panicked worry.

“When you're falling in a forest, and there's nobody around~. Do you ever really crash or even make a sound~?” That was the moment you saw them all, running toward you. Yet the tree was still being shaken by those directly below you. You were panicking now, as you scrambled further up the natural structure. “Did I even make a sound~? Did I even make a sound~? It's like I never made a sound~. Did I ever make a sound~?”

At the same moment that the music picked up, you almost slipped, just as your head popped out of the top of the leaves. “On the outside always looking in~. Will I ever be more than I've always been~? ‘Cause I'm tap, tap, tapping on the glass~. _Wa_ ving through a window~! I try to speak but nobody can hear~! So, I wait around for an answer to appear~! While I'm watch, watch, watching people pass~! I'm _wa_ ving through a window~!”

Just at that moment, you caught sight of them. Mikasa, Eren and Jean were running towards the trunk of the tree, the boys yelling all kinds of expletives at Reiner, Bertholdt, and Annie. You realised, at that moment, that the three members of the Lip Gloss Gestapo had fled.

Tears ran down your cheeks, both at the things you were saying, and because you were petrified. “Can anybody see~? Is anybody waving back at me~?”

A gulp emerged from your throat, as you felt time stop. It allowed you to think about your horrible, _cruel_ past; something no one below that tree knew. Only your mother did.

“Is anybody waving~?! _Waving_ ~! **_Waving_ ** ~! Whoa- **oh** ~!” You belted, feeling the tree beginning to come to a stop. Time seemed to stop again, giving you time to make a decision. You **had to make a decision**.

Looking down made you want to vomit, but it was necessary. A drop like that, you assumed, would do a lot of damage. And after everything you'd been through, you hoped to god you were right.

“Oh…~.” You finished, low-key satisfied with the result of the song. To you, the added emotion made it better.

As the last beat of the drum sounded, your heart beat uncannily hard in your chest. You wanted to see what would happen. Really, you just didn't want to wake up from this.

So, you staged a slip, and tipped yourself back from the top of the tree. Your descent had begun. Your head hit a branch and then your back did.

You thought you were done with tears, but then your arm hit another branch. No sound came from your mouth, but you inhaled sharply. Pain was coursing through your entire body.

From below the tree, you heard a horrified scream. It was if you'd just died or something. You couldn't recognised it, though you knew it was slightly girlish, yet it definitely came from a boy.

“ **(Y/N)**!” That was a dark and brooding voice you knew so well. And it was calling for you.

~Is that-?~ Your thoughts were cut off as your face made a connection so hard it was akin to WiFi, and you felt the right lense of your glasses shatter, yet all of the shards of broken glass narrowly missed your eye. Instead, it pierced the skin around it. You had never wanted a piercing there, but we don't all get what we want, do we?

Unexpectedly, your head hit the grass, and approximately five seconds later, a pair of soft yet calloused hands cupped your cheeks. “(Y/N)! (Y/N), please. Please, say something! Open your eyes! (Y/N)!”

It was Armin, practically screaming in a shrill tone. This led you to the conclusion that he was the one that had shrieked in such a fashion just a moment ago.

You considered his demands carefully. The real question was whether you should abide by them. But, unfortunately for you, your head was spinning and you couldn't think straight.

“(Y/N)! Please!” Another voice begged. It was Marco. “Just give us a sign! We need to know whether you're alright!”

You swallowed harshly, before slowly opening your eyes. As if your vision wasn't blurred enough, you were dizzy and couldn't focus on anything.

Suddenly, you felt something wet and warm hit your nose, making one of your facial wounds sting.

“S-sorry. I- I just-...” Armin muttered, rubbing his eyes with his blazer’s sleeve.

Though it kinda hurt to, you only smiled and chuckled at him. “It's alright…” your voice was quiet and croaky. “Don't panic. I'm okay, see?” You muttered using your okay arm to help sit you up.

Immediately he glomped you, gently so he didn't hurt you. “Oh thank goodness. I thought you were-.”

“Nah, mate. I don't go down very easily, you know.” You smiled into his shoulder, as your impaired vision constantly kept transitioning from the mix of his black blazer and the grass, to complete darkness.

“Oi, (Y/N)! Stay with us, you hear?!” Jean yelled, once he happened to notice.

Immediately, Armin pulled you away from him and held you by your shoulders. He blinked a couple of times so he could see you past his tears.

Sasha knelt beside you. With a shaking tone, she asked, “(Y/N), how many breadsticks am I holding up?”

You tried to count, but you couldn't stay focused. Some of the breadsticks were more faded than others, and there was definitely at least fifteen there. Sasha had probably eaten more than that by now.

“...I- I'm sorry. I can't tell… Forgive me…” You muttered, in an ugly slur.

All this time, you could see Levi looking at you furiously.

“Hey, it's okay. Just focus on breathing.” Hanji comforted.

There was a discussion about something to do with Petra, but it sounded like you were underwater, so you weren't sure what they were going on about.

“(Y/N)! What were you actually fucking thinking?!” Your brother suddenly exploded. “What the fuck did you think was going to happen, if you got your fat ass stuck in a tree?!”

Now, you heard that, and it brought tears to your eyes; it made the right one sting. “Levi… Do us all a favour and just... _fuck off_. I would have been fine, if-...”

“...They were…” Christa put the pieces together, horrified. “(Y/N), don't tell me you’re being bullied…”

You didn't want to face the music, so you just looked down, more tears formed, but just began to build up in your eyes.

“Reiner’s bullying you?! I thought he was cool! I'm going to fucking kick his ass! What an asshole!” Eren snarled, cracking his knuckles.

And before Jean could get his word in, about how angry he was, something inside you snapped.

“SHUT UP, OKAY! I'M **O** -FUCKING- **KAY**! I ALWAYS HAVE BEEN! IT'S NOT FUCKING THEM!” You had caught them all off guard, as you had always been gentle and dismissive, aside from splitting up fights between Jean and Eren.

“Well, who is it? Because, from what we know, those three take contracts.” Erwin said gently, pulling Levi away by his collar, so he didn't take the face off of you for yelling at him.

“No one… No one. I…” You took a moment to think about a good lie. “I don't know who would do such a thing.”

Armin didn't say anything, but knew that was bullshit. He wanted to push for an answer, but suddenly, his stomach dropped. If not for the boys supporting hands on your shoulders, you'd have dropped to the grass as you lost consciousness.

He hated seeing you like this.


	4. Ensemble

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> (Y/N) - Your Name  
> (L/N) - Last Name  
> (H/T) - Hair Type (straight, wavy, curly, etc.)  
> (H/C) - Hair Colour  
> (E/C) - Eye Colour  
> (S/T) - Skin Tone
> 
> Yo, this motherfluffer is back in town bois! Ya boi has been gone because of school and lack of inspiration yo! Anyway, without further ado, I hope you enjoy this new chapter! Thank you for reading and all the support you've given this shitty little story!

_Alone._

_You sat in your homeroom, with your huge_ Beats _headphones on, quietly reading chapter 80 of Ouran High School Host Club, at the back of the room (in your normal seat). Since you had started middle school, you had been by yourself, so it was just a normal day for you._

_You hadn’t touched your lunch, not because you weren’t hungry, but because you were so eager to find out what was happening in this goddamn manga. The plot was making it all too easy for you to find an excuse to slap the shit out of one of the side characters._

_From the corner of your eye, you saw a slightly sun-tanned hand being placed over your lunch box._

_After freezing, you held in your breath. No one had approached you in this manner for a little while. But the last time was most certainly when_ **_they_ ** _had tried to bully you._

_Subconsciously, you began grinding your bottom lip through your teeth, while you slowly put your bookmark into the manga, and then placed the paperback on the table. Reaching into your pocket, you paused your music, and slid your headphones off of your ears, to around your neck._

_Your gaze moved to your lap as you waited to hear those words. No matter what they were exactly, you were expecting them to be mean._

_“....Excuse me?” The girl above you asked, sounding as if she was expecting a response._

_You jumped, in panic, before slowly craning your head up at them. At the time, you had shoulder-length hair, with a fringe you would always have to add volume to on mornings; this was back when you had all the time in the world._

_“Y-y-yeah?” You asked. You hadn't meant to sound so nervous. But lately, your confidence seemed to have declined down a steep slope of no return._

_Above you stood no other than Sasha Braus and Connie Springer, from your homeroom._

_“Are you gonna eat that?” She asked, patting your lunch box._

_You blinked for a moment._ ~Were you, (Y/N)? **Really** ?~ _You mentally questioned, eager to finish this conversation._

_“P-p-probably not…” You began, picking the skin off of your already bandaged left finger. Ah, now you remembered. Sasha was the school’s infamous glutton. You new the perfect way to get rid of her. “B-bu-ut… You can have it, if you want.”_

_Her large, deep, brown eyes enlarged at this sound. The three of you had all known that this was the response she had hoped for, but she still wasn't expecting it. And not because of how you appeared, but through the lack of bonding the pair of you had done._

_“Seriously…?” She asked, slowly, with a steady tone._

_“Yes. Here.” You mumbled, holding to box up to her hands._

_She suddenly squealed, before swiping it from your waiting grasp. You watched with internal amusement._

_“OH MY GOD! THANK YOU! THANK YOU! THANK YOU-HOO-HOO!” She screamed, before turning on her heel. But Connie trapped the back of her hoodie and yanked her back. He looked at you with a patient smile, before putting a hand by her ear and whispering something to her._

_With a blank look, she listened to him, knowing you couldn't hear. After a moment, she nodded with a huge grin. One you didn't know you would come to adore._

_You had been staring at your lap wondering why they hadn't went away yet, and you had began twiddling your thumbs, as your nerves had positively,_ **_most definitely_ ** _, had been disturbed for the day._

 _“Hey,_ soooo…” She said, swirling her right index finger in a few circles, in a frighteningly close proximity to your face, causing you to shove yourself backward a bit. “I’ve - no, _we’ve_ all noticed that you sit by yourself all the time.”

_What the hell was she talking about with the ‘we’ve all’ bullshit? Could she count there was literally two of them standing there-._

_~Oh. Oh yeah.~ You thought after remembering that Braus and Springer were the most recent (but not necessarily new) members of the notorious group in school. It wasn’t a bad group, no. It was just the equivalent of a squadron of moles wearing aviator glasses; a stupid and largely unexpected mix of souls to collide. Though there was certainly a large variety of personalities, you had found that each member wasat least slightly_ **_bat shit crazy_ ** _. But, not a bad kind._

_In fact, you had secretly laughed at their banter, and had even daydreamed of moments that they might talk to you._

_And it was coming true._

_“And, basically, we really don’t like seeing people by themselves.” Connie continued. “Soooo…”_

_“_ **_You’re coming with us._ ** _” The pair cheered, picking up your bag and packing your stuff away messily._

_“U-Uh… B-Be careful with her!” You stuttered out, as the bald boy picked up Astrid from your desk: your magenta coil notebook._

_“Her? It’s a notebook!” He laughed, still throwing it in like he intended._

_Sasha smacked the back of his head. “She told you to be careful with that shit, so you’re going to be careful with that_ shit _.”_

_The boy mumbled you an apology before his hungry friend linked arms with you, effectively making you rise from your seat._

_Once she knew you were following closely behind, Sasha began to chunter onto Connie about what she had for lunch today. Of course you were reading your manga as you followed the sound of their dumbass voices._

_But, they laughed, unknowing of your fury at this_ one character _. As you rapidly read onwards, your feet became glued to the floor. You blew your stack the moment they turned, realising you'd stopped._

 _“Oh fuck off, Shizue. If you have even a little trace of bitch that prevents your grandson from being happy at the end of this story, I swear to god-._ **_I will pull you out of the pages and fucking destroy you. Your next cup of tea will be spiked with opium, rat poison, acid and straight up liquified_ ** **_shit_ ** _. Okay, I will fuck you up.” You ranted, pointing at the character in the manga incessantly._

_It must have been the 'liquified shit’ part of that sentence that took that horrified look of each of the idiot's faces._

_Connie began to laugh like an idiot, and between gasps, he notified you, “You’ll fit in well with our group, trust me...uh… We got so caught up in the moment, I forgot to ask: what’s your name?”_

_“Dude, you know who she is! (Y/N) motherfucking (L/N)! Armin’s biggest contender for grades! She either ties with him or beats him!”_

_“Oh, oh! Oh, okay! You’re really smart! Armin has wanted to talk to you for a hell of a long time, dude!”_

_“Oh my god, he’ll be so shook to know he got exposed.” Sasha choked out, between laughs._

_“But is ‘shooketh’ a real word?” You suddenly asked, starting to feel comfortable with them, since they hadn’t made any comment on your weight, or even looked you up and down. You felt like a person for once in your life, and not some object to be used and walked past. “I mean I added it to my phone's dictionary, so I guess it counts.”_

_Sasha nodded. “Of course it’s a word! If a literary genius, as Armin calls that old fart Shakespeare, can make words up, so the hell can you, a modern literary genius.”_

_“Psht, nah. I wouldn’t call myself that.” You waved off, going slightly pink in the cheeks - no one aside from your teachers and parents had called you smart like that before. “Besides, Willie-shek-it was quite good at his job. I’m still fucking illiterate. ‘Took me years to figure out how the living_ hell _you spelled difference_ . _At the same age, it took me twenty tries to spell ornament correctly_ . _”_

_“Fuck yeah, you’re smart! No one ever beat Armin, even in Elementary. Well, that’s what Eren and Mikasa told us anyway.”_

_“M-Mikasa…?” You suddenly began to tremble, remembering how she was only behind you academically and the best of the best in gym class._

_“Don’t worry, she won’t hurt you. As long as you are civil to us all, you haven’t a single issue.” The shorter of the two put a hand on your shoulder, to help you relax again._

_The brunette girl opened the cafeteria doors. “Alright, just relax. You don’t have to say anything at all. Honestly, we’ve all known what it was like to be new to the squad at one point.”_

_The two walked in beside you, refusing to let you walk behind them, in case you got too scared and walked off. They were determined to be your friend, so you wouldn’t have to sit by yourself anymore. They had seen how you would be picked on, and  your panic was evident within your actions. And their blond friend had described it as heartbreaking, like the cunning linguist he was._

_“Where the hell did you two run off t-...?” Jean trailed off, while you felt your stomach wrench as he looked you up and down._

_“Oh, Miss (L/N), good noon - I guess? - to you.” Armin nervously, but happily greeted, with a ring, clear like a bell, in his voice; it was music to your ears._

_“O-oh. Uh-um-u-uh, I-I-I…. Uh, good noon to you too, I guess…” You were nervous, and red in the face. Stage fright was starting to really get to you, and now the whole table had you in their sights._

_You felt sick, and you were struggling to breathe. This, you remembered, was the reason why you hadn't tried to make friends in the first place._

_“Here, there's been a space over here with us! (Y/N), come sit with us!” A freckled boy almost begged._

_Your shoulders hunched and your head dropped out of pure relief._

_Sasha’s jokey encouragement broke you out of your momentary thoughts. “Go get ‘em tiger~.” She had laughed, while patting your shoulder softly._

_With an apprehensive nod, you took one step, then two, then three, four, five, six, seven. And then you were there, with the smiling freckled boy  glancing to ward you, probably to put you at ease. But you still got worked up about it._

_Awkwardly, you climbed over the bench, and sat down, clutching your manga, as if it would dull your fear and panic. But you knew better._

_“Hey,” He spoke, suddenly. “My name is Marco. Marco Bodt, it’s nice to meet you Ms. (L/N).”_

_“Uh-uh… Hi, it’s nice t-to meet you too.” You nodded, (H/C) bangs falling into your eye line._

_“And this is my bestest-friend-in-the-whole-world, Jean.”_

_“Kirstein.” The tall, dual-haired boy added, as if knowing his full name would benefit you. Yet, one tiny detail caught you off guard. It was flat, and all of his fingers were together. It reminded you of that one time where_ that skank slapped you and laughed in your face _. This thought alone was enough to make you recoil, jolting back your hand and sending your mind into overdrive._

_You held in your breath while leaning back._

_“Hey, Jean, no sudden movements.” Marco lay his hand on top of his  'bestest friend's, making the taller of the two look away for a moment trying to conceal a blush._

~ **Oh** , okay. So… What was his-...? Jean is super gay, okay, I can work with that. But I see him flirt with the girls all the time. **Bi** , he's bisexual. But Marco, here, is either as straight as a die, or he's not interested or he's more bent than Jean, but just really clueless. I mean, I don't have anything wrong with that, but damn boy, they're cute together.~ _You thought to yourself looking between them, eyeing the blazer clad boys up, tentatively._

_“Titanic…” You muttered to yourself, believing that it was still deep within your thoughts._

_“Pardon?” Bodt suddenly asked, confusion had washed over his face, and set in place like a footprint in cement._

_A dark shadow seemed to be cast over your wide eyes, as you threw your head down awkwardly._

_“Hey, Marco~. I think she's fallen for my looks, as everyone-_ girl- _every girl will eventually.” Jean seemed to gain a sparkling aura, while he sat with a confident grin and hand under his chin._

_“Uh, no.” You said, flatly, making one of the other boys, you believed it to be Jaeger, fall backwards laughing so hard that he couldn't breathe._

_“Yeah-yeah, Jean, whatever.” The freckled boy sighed, looking away and going back to his lunch._

**_“DENIED!”_ ** _Connie and Sasha had yelled, immediately howling with laughter, and falling on top of each other. This only made Eren worse, and the kind blond boy begin._

_“Oh shut up!” The dual-haired boy yelled in response, worked up and flustered._

_You sighed, shaking your head with a small smile. After a few moments, you were slowly doubling over, with hunched shoulders. But still, you wore a_ smile _, as Marco had noticed, while slapping the back of Jean’s head._

_Maybe you could be happy here. Maybe it was losing your lunch to Sasha for just one day. Some part of you truly believed that while they were in your life, you would never be alone again. You never wanted to be alone again. This group was everything to you, the moment you sat down._

_They had started a fire in your heart, stirred a whirlwind of thoughts in your mind, and had erected so many hopes and dreams you had for the future._

_You promised yourself that you’d give them everything you could. You needed to show them how much they meant. You wanted to know that they were all loved for being who they were. Even just at that moment, you loved them all._


End file.
